Saturday, April 22, 2006

Ok, I think I may got this now...

My Husband, Ed:
Ed, well, he's 24. I get frustrated b/c somwhere along the line HE gets to act 24, and even thought Im 25, I expected to act 40... It's not fair. While he gets to go out with his friends EVERY weekend, I am stuck in the house with the kids. When he is home, we split up the kids and he take 1 or 2 and I take the rest. In other words, I ALWAYS ahve at least one WHEREEVER I go. I have been thinking about this more this week....

It's like...HEY WAIT a minute! It sounded fair....he gets 2 I get 2, BUT he also gets TONS of time with 0, but I NEVER NEVER NEVER do....WHATS up with that?

And he'll say things like, "you can go out, I'll watch the kids" BUT then he has EVERY SINGLE weekend blocked off to go out with his friends, and I have doc appts and the kids therapy appts throughout the week.

I am constantly on the go, having to take the kids to doc appts, baseball practices, my own doc appts and tests, etc. AND I am honestly in ALOT OF PAIN... like right now, I could scream with how much pain I am having in my legs from having to take ALL the kids to Christopher & Michael's Little League Opening Day today... not to mention we all got sunburned b/c I am too overwhelmed to even remember sun block.
And Ed got home around 5:30pm-ish and decided he was going to go out to play poker with his friends, again. He did cook dinner...while I was stuck cutting the grass while in throbbing pain. I asked him where he was going to play at and he just said "I dont know"...and watch, I bet he's out until like 4am again...
Here it is 11:12pm, and I STILL have loads of laundry to do, a check book to balance, a baby to wake, breastfeed and change, a toddler to carry back into his bed, 2 others to cover up, 5 outfits to get out and ready for church, a bunch of diapers to wash, a kitchen to clean up, etc, etc. And I am in soooooo much pain I could cry. I DO NOT want to know what it will feel like tomorrow...
DID I MENTION, I somehow was put in charge of everything that has to do with house or kids, etc. INCLUDING but NOT limited to:
ALL bills/budgeting/finances of any sort
ALL cleaning, housework, etc
ALL laundry
ALL doc and therapy appts for all 4 boys and myself
ALL cooking/feeding
ALL diapering
ALL home matience
ALL yard work
ALL home repair
ALL the grocery shopping
Am I a wife/mother....or a MAID/NANNY?
By the way, I get not a penny for any of it, but my even my husband gets an allowance, etc.
AND any $$ I make like on Ebay or anything goes to pay bills- I dont get to keep any of it, even though I put in all the work on it...
Is this normal? When I do actually get to get out of the house and speak to anyone over the age of 10, I am like a puppy that just been let out after a long day of being caged... people probably think Im nuts...

You know, he DID NOT even ask me if I wanted to do something tonight, or anything.... didnt even ask how I was doing? He did ask how the boys' game went, but shouldnt he have been asking THEM that?

AND if I mention ANYTHING about being in pain, etc, he ALWAYS REPLIES with some remark like "Oh, really? Well, my _____hurts worse..." OH- Im sorry....poor poor baby with NO medical problems or anything, you're right, of course you would be in sooooo much more pain than me, the one who is DIEING, the one who's body is literally rotting from the inside out and there is NO cure and NOTHING the docs can do to slow it down! There are days where I cant even get my fingers to work enough to button the boys clothing and I have to ask my 10 1/2yr old for help, days whereI am afraid to pick up my won baby for fear my arms will give out. AND to make matters worse, Michael decided to go to church and tell his class/teachers how MUCH HE has to do at home, how HE has to do EVERYTHING, etc...YEAH RIGHT! They actually pulled me aside and told me that I am being too hard on Michael and thats he's doing too much... thou who I cant even get to take out the garbage once a day....hahaha.

Anyway, I am couped up in the house, caged if you will, yet again and I ahve not been out to do anything for myself, by myself in soooooooo long I cant even remember when.
OH, but Ed counts me going to the grocery store as my time out, even though 99% of the time I take 1/2 the kids with me too.
OH, and he counts any $$ spent of clothes, etc for the kids as my $$/allowance too...so if I spend $$ buying diapers via Ebay, well, that was my spending $$...if I stop at yard sale and get clothes for the kids, that was my $$... you know I have not bought an outfit for my self in WELL over a year? AND I never get anything new...
But Ed has $$ for poker....Ed has $$ for new video games/DVDs etc
I dont even have 1 pair of pants that fit me!

I am 3mths postpartum after an emergency C section too mind you and I am doing ALL this crap by myself... just adds to the pain.

I will be adding my typical schedule on here soon too.---PROOF to the world of How much I have to do by myself, yet the coach wants to bench my kid b/c he missed 1 out of like 8 practices b/c I couldnt get him there...SORRY COACH, I was too busy at the hospital getting tourturist testing done just so the docs can find something else seriously wrong with me that they cant fix... yeah, take it out on my kid...

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